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  Roy Gordon · May 15, 2010 at 12:04 pm

  Review by Roy Gordon for The Biggest Job We’ll Ever Have: The Hyde School Program for Character-Based Education and Parenting
  Rating:
  First, let me say right off that my younger son attends the Hyde School in Bath, ME. Second, let me state that I could not be more satisfied with the school: how it has helped him and how it has helped me and the other members of my family. I hoped for and expected the former; the latter came as a complete surprise and I am still somewhat amazed (and bemused). But it is part and parcel of the Hyde philosphy and approach. My experience is certainly not unique.The book was much better than I had expected. It describes the basics of a ‘character first’ approach to bringing up kids. It is the philosophy used in Hyde’s character first approach to education.The basic philosophy: build character, expect excellence, and the rest will follow. And, the entire family is the unit involved. (Please remember, this is a true nutshell description.)Academic achievement (or lack thereof) is NOT a criterion of admission to the Hyde schools. Yet, an astounding 97 or 98% of the graduating seniors receive four year college acceptance! And, from personal experience I can tell you that they walk the walk at Hyde. I’ve seen it. More than once. So, this is not a book of academic, head-in-the-clouds theorizing about what “should” be done. It is a book grounded in many, many years of actual practice and experience, not only to the students but to the staffs’ own children.The “reader from California” who stated “this school is for kids with substance abuse issues”: Well, my son did not and does not have such issues, and a school whose main purpose was to serve such a population would NOT have been appropriate for him. At all. Similarly for most of the students at Hyde. The drug/substance program at Hyde is run independently of the school and is an additional expense payable to that program and not to Hyde. It is only chosen by a minority of parents. Hyde is not, in general, (in my opinion) the proper option for students requiring significant drug intervention such as a 24×7 environment.In addition, a surprising number of parents send their younger children to Hyde after seeing the success of their older child at the school. I also wonder on what that reviewer based their statement that the Hyde approach can cause “more harm than good” with ‘normal’ kids.As for the _Publishers Weekly_ reviewer who criticized the book for not providing an analysis of the “social, economic, and cultural factors that cause the alienation, boredom, underachievement, and family dysfunction”, this is pretty ludicrous. I mean, why didn’t they also criticize the authors for not solving the problem of world peace?This is a book on practical parenting. Parents must parent now. Parents can’t wait for the Correct Analysis of All the Ills of Society and How It Affects Our Children to issue forth. As if it ever could or will.I would also recommend _Character First: The Hyde School Difference_ by Joe Gauld, founder of the Hyde schools. I prefer it even more, partly because of its description of his own personal journey of feeling compelled to leave his highly successful career in private schools to begin a ‘character first’ base school. It’s out of print but available used at Amazon. However, its emphasis is not as much into the nuts and bolts.4 stars but that’s saying a lot for me as most other parenting and self-help books get consigned to my “gag me with a spoon” pile. This book is definitely for real and high on my scale. As I said, they walk the walk.

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  Jeffrey I. Gordon · May 15, 2010 at 12:07 pm

  Review by Jeffrey I. Gordon for The Biggest Job We’ll Ever Have: The Hyde School Program for Character-Based Education and Parenting
  Rating:
  My disclaimer is that I’m a former Hyde Student, one who was not happy while being there but also one who has the benefit of 20 years’ hindsight.

  I purchased the book a few days ago as I was interested to learn more of the philosophy behind the teaching I experienced first hand. I was curious to understand why I did not like my Hyde experience and what has happened in the intervening years to make me come to understand that I needed character education in my life at that time (and now, too).

  While I don’t have children of my own, I read the book with fervor and interest as I saw MY childhood and MY parents mirrored in its pages. Flashbacks to various interactions was common – and I had a series of intense emotional responses at times while I read things that hit so close to home I would’ve sworn that they were writing about my life. The book very clearly lays out the priorities which would’ve made my childhood more productive (in my humble opinion) and I look forward to being able to put these priorities into practice with my children.

  As the title of this review states, I think it’s very important to remember that this is a book on parenting. It’s a spurious argument to say that if Hyde doesn’t practice what they preach 24/7, that the book is inaccurate or that the authors are disingenuous. Living up to these priorities is hard work – and no one is going to be perfect at it, not even Hyde. In fact, the authors clearly detail their DAILY struggle with living up to these priorities in their own personal lives, not to mention helping others do it, too.

  Regardless of whether this book is used to market the Hyde programs, whether Hyde is appropriate for you, and whether you’ve had a good Hyde School experience, the message of the book remains true. I would recommend this book to anyone who is interested in having a relationship with another human being, not just with their children/parents.

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  Richard Stern, MD · May 15, 2010 at 1:04 pm

  Review by Richard Stern, MD for The Biggest Job We’ll Ever Have: The Hyde School Program for Character-Based Education and Parenting
  Rating:
  This is a fantastic book that focuses on the importance of character development in our children, and it provides an outline of how to achieve it. The book is well written and easy to understand. Suggestions for “homework” at the end of many chapters are highly effective and provide a mechanism to start using the tools that are introduced in the book. Not only has Hyde provided our son the tools to work toward his unique potential; as parents of a Hyde student, the lives of my wife and myself, our relationship, and our relationship with our other children, have been enriched by our efforts to follow these guidelines. In a society where cheating, dishonesty, and self-destructive behavior are all too common, this book is a must read for all educators, all teachers, all parents, and even couples without children! Having read the book, I am now buying copies for all of my friends.

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  Anonymous · May 15, 2010 at 1:38 pm

  Review by for The Biggest Job We’ll Ever Have: The Hyde School Program for Character-Based Education and Parenting
  Rating:
  This book, written by the daughter-in-law of the founder of the Hyde Schools, espouses a character-first philosophy of education. This philosophy has much to recommend it, although as other reviewers have pointed out, “The Biggest Job . . .” repeats many of the same old cliches as other books. But it does have its place.Nonetheless, this book should be used with caution IF you are using it to evaluate the Hyde schools. Because it is given out during family interviews, it functions as a recruiting tool. Of the current eight reviews, three of the most glowing are written by parents of Hyde students. Several earlier negative reviews by former Hyde parents have been removed. What those earlier reviews said, in essence, is that the emperor had no clothes and that Hyde’s methods did not always mirror their philosphy.The bottom line is that if you’re looking for help raising your childred, then this is as good a book as any. BUT if you’re thinking of sending your child to Hyde, it’s only part of the picture. Talk to other parents–including those who have had negative epxeriences with the school

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  Collector 7 · May 15, 2010 at 2:09 pm

  Review by Collector 7 for The Biggest Job We’ll Ever Have: The Hyde School Program for Character-Based Education and Parenting
  Rating:
  2006 Comment: I wrote this review 3 years ago, and have watched with interest how the Amazon reviews for the book have primarily come from people whose families attended Hyde School, where the concepts were developed. If you read through the reviews, many people are delighted with the experience the book represents, while some were disappointed in how their Hyde family experience turned out.

  I decided to add to my review to add some context to the patterns I see here, six years after our son graduated from Hyde and three after the review I wrote. My current thoughts:

  * If you have never visited Hyde (and even if you never intend to!) the book is a worthwhile read if you’re a parent or a teacher. Even if you ultimately disagree with their approach it will be thought-provoking and well worth the time.

  * Ignore the ultra-passion on all sides.
  
  — Some families enter Hyde in crisis and leave there feeling far better about themselves and each other… though still with plenty of issues to work on. That results in a huge sense of relief and gratitude that you hear coming out in the most enthusiastic reviews. I would not assume you’ll end up mega-thrilled with the book, nor should you be driven away by such passionate advocates. It’s just plain worth reading and you’ll emerge thoughtful but neither a crusader nor a cynic.
  
  — For whatever reason, for some kids and families it doesn’t seem to help, and the disappointment hurts. Our family gained tremendously from the experience; some friends who did not feel they benefitted have opinions that are just as valid as mine. But I have seen so many good outcomes that I would not let those bad experiences dissuade you from reading the book, although I can confirm that both the “Hyde changed my life!” stories and the less-numerous “I’m disappointed with Hyde” stories are very real.

  On that note my review from 3+ years ago is below. My opinion of the book, the school and its positive impact on our lives remains unchanged. The Gaulds’ philosphy continues to impact how I consider problems at home and at work in a common-sense way that I get a lot of results from using.

  The 2003 review:
  
  As with a prior reviewer, I should start by saying that our family went through the Hyde School program, which the authors lead. Like everything else in life it isn’t perfect, but it left each of us — parents and kids — with much better tools to do our best in our lives. My marriage, my relationships with my kids and my work performance all grew because I started growing again as a person… something I had stopped doing for a while without even realizing it. My son was the student there but I got a tremendous gift from my participation.

  BTW, the school program has nothing to do with substance abuse, although some kids who go there have had those problems. That’s also true for our local high school.

  If I had to boil it down in my own words, the Hyde program and the Gaulds’ core goals are about figuring out what your dreams really are, and then “walking the walk” about pursuing them. This book talks about these principles and values in the context of parenting, but going through the program I instantly saw practical places where it applied to my marriage and my work life as well.

  I have very little patience for flighty theoretical “how to live your life” books. I found this book quite down-to-earth rather than off in some idealized universe, and it gave me ideas I could start to use immediately.

  In the end it was inspiring and addresses both mind and spirit, but those benefits come “bottom up” from the practical wisdom rather than from long speeches about how things ought to be inside our heads.

  So count me as someone who got tremendous benefits from the program this book represents.

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